My son’s always asking me if he can pour his own cereal and milk and I’m still so hesitant to let him. He’s 6 and big enough, I’m just not in the mood to clean up a mess if it were to happen. BUT how is my son ever going to learn and get better at something if I don’t let him try? So, I’m trying hard to step away and let him do things on his own, encourage independence.
Here’s a few things I’ve been letting him do, while I grit my teeth as he does his best!
- Making his own Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich. It may not look pretty, but he’s getting the right amount of ingredients, just not all spread out. He doesn’t seem to care how it looks, so if he’s okay, I’m okay!
- Folding his Socks. There seems to be endless socks to fold during the winter season and I despise doing it! So I’ve happily given this task to my son to fold his own socks. He does pretty good, even though they look more like balls to throw! I’ve even started paying him 1 penny for folding each of his Dad’s socks!
- Pouring Milk and Cereal. This one is trickier. That milk jug can be heavy and I really don’t want to clean up spilt milk. But if the milk jug and cereal box are less than half way gone, I let him. He’s getting better every time.
Here’s a few more posts I’ve found helping Encourage Independence in Kids:
- MomAdvice – Chores for the Clark Kids
- Simple Mom – Chore Chart for Preschoolers
- Momaroo – What Age to Start Chores
It’s actually been great for my son to do little projects on his own, freeing up some of my time. He’s also been a big help with his two sisters! Now if we can just fast forward about 6 or 7 years to the babysitting age, that would be great!
What are you willing to let your kids help out with?
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I am glad to hear of another parent encouraging independence. It’s not that I don’t want to do things for my girls, they need to learn to do it for themselves!
My 4 and 6 yo make their own sandwiches and breakfast too. Not everyday. I still like to do it for them!! They get their own drinks too. They do this for my 2 yo as well.
My 2, 4, and 6 yo all take their own showers. SO NICE!!!! I just have to observe to make sure they get all the shampoo out of their hair, but they are on their own!! LOVE IT!!! I usually fold laundry while they shower. That way we are all in the same area and I can hear them if they need help. Then they put their laundry away after they have their pj’s on. Such a help to me!!
Just yesterday I was cleaning up spilled milk from my 4 1/2 year old. She poured a cup for her brother and one for herself and the one for herself didn’t make it. I started to grumble as I used up 5 kitchen towels to clean it all up and had to get the mop out. But then realized that unless I let her do these things herself, she’ll never learn and it’s okay to clean up a mess from time to time if the end result is her feeling more independent. It was my son’s birthday last week and I also let my daughter frost and sprinkle his cupcakes and cakes. She loved that and it was an easy, non-messy task for her.
You’re actually doing yourself a favor when you teach your kids to be independent. My almost-3-year-old puts the silverware away for me, tries to help fold washcloths, and brushes her own teeth (after I brush them). The tough one for me is letting her feed herself and drink from cups without a lid but she’s quite good at it now. She loves to help and do things herself so I hold my breath and let her! :)
My kids are seven…and just mastering the art of milk pouring. And I’m getting better at letting them. Just this morning I let my son open and pour a full gallon of milk, and there was no mess!
I even started them doing their own laundry at Christmastime. What a big help, and they do pretty well, but I have noticed we go through detergent a bit quicker nowadays.
I totally agree!
My trick for pouring milk: half gallon jug. It is so much easier for thier little hands and the saved clean up time is having both a half gallon and a gallon jug in the fridge to me.
Heck, my almost 2 yr old *loves* doing chores – shoving the laundry basket around, filling it from the hamper, taking stuff to various rooms (“go put this on mommy’s bed” and off she goes on her mission).
My 11 yr old is Autistic and he loves cooking top ramen in the microwave (and will cook it for his siblings even!).
My nearly-three-year-old daughter has just started helping fold cloth wipes (we use cloth diapers too). She tried to help for a long time, and just this past week she finally got the hang of folidng them in half instead of crumpling them/folding them at a strange angle. So it’s actually helpful now!
She also chooses her own clothes to wear, gets her own silverware out of the drawer for meals, and carries her dirty dishes into the kitchen after a meal.
My son is only 8-1/2 months old, so he’s still dependent, of course, but I’m not looking forward to messes, either. I suppose one good thing about spilled milk is that it would get my floor mopped since that is usually the last thing I get to!
I just wanted to comment on your son making his own PB&J. It took me until junior high or high school to figure out that there’s an easier way to make one. Use a spoon instead! Do the jelly first because it cleans more easily. Rinse in hot water and dry. Then dip the *back* of the spoon into the peanut butter and spread. The problem with knives is that the jelly slides off before you get it to the bread, and then you constantly stab the bread while trying to spread it. If your jelly is especially jelled, you can break it up a little in the jar before spooning it out to make spreading easier.
On a side note, have you tried grilled PB&J? You do it just like a grilled cheese (and spread the butter with a spoon, of course!). You wouldn’t let your 6-year-old grill it, but it’s SO good.
We’ve been working on chores and a little independence too. My three year old can empty the bathroom trashcans into the larger kitchen trash. I also give him a lysol wipe to wipe down the bathroom sink and toilet. He loves doing it. And he will bring the laundry basket downstairs for me. Our five year old vacuums (its a stick vac) under the table after dinner at night and empties the silverware from the dishwasher. It’s always a work in progress to find things they can help with, but they really do love to help (at least at this age).
I have 3 kids and I absolutely believe in chores! My kids get a quarter per week per year old so this helps them be motivated and learn to save and make good money choices. My 4 yr old has been putting the silver ware away for a year and a half, my 5 year old vacuums his own room and takes a disposable wipe and wipes off the toilet seat and around the toilet. My 8 year old takes care of the cat, vacuums her room and 2 other rooms, cleans the toilet and sink and mirror in the kids bathroom and helps get lunches ready. All of my children are in charge of setting the table. I do get the plates down from the cupboard for them (I’ve lost one too many plates!) but they set the table and get water for everyone. They have different chores each day that they have to have done before 5pm when they can turn on the tv while I cook dinner. I think that chores help them feel like a contributing member of our family. And they really do help!
My 3 yo and 4.5 yo have regular chores, as well as “special” things they “get” to do once in a while. The regular chores include folding all the kitchen towels, dishcloths, and cloth napkins, and helping with their own laundry (I am 8 month pregnant, and I swear by the front-loading washer and dryer set we got recently — I can’t remember the last time my kids were awake and I had to bend over for laundry!) They also hang their own shirts (crookedly, but they hang!) and empty the dishwasher of everything non-breakable. They also open and close the window blinds around the house and turn on the outside lights at night. There are several other little things, but I sound like enough of a task-master as it is!
My six-year-old twins insist, absolutely insist, on pouring things and making what they call “dishes” all the time. I am still trying to make peace with it and I’m doing a lot of cleaning!
My guys are 9, almost 7and almost 5. They each have their chores….
9 yr old – fill and empty the dishwasher and kitty litter…. he is also responsible for his room and own messes. He puts away his laundry in his room, makes his own breakfast and lunch most days, helps with his brothers’ too.
almost 7 yr old – recycling, feeds and waters the bird and cleans the bird cage… puts his laundry away and tidies his messes. makes breakfast and lunch.
almost 5 yr old – vacuums the house, feeds and waters the cats…tidies his own messes. gets in the way while his brothers are making breakfast and lunch….LOL ok – he is able to get juice and milk on his own… and yes, half full jugs are less messy!
We all clean the house and especially the bathrooms, after all, I know how to aim so why should I be the one scrubbing the bathroom floor????
My oldest recently joked around with dad about getting married to have someone do his laundry so he is now helping me with loading and unloading the washer and dryer…. they all try to help folding but well, it’s a work in progress.
I will say that it is certainly easier for the kids to learn by doing than it is for us to allow them the freedom and independence to do it. I still catch myself saying ” let me do it” or ” let me help”, I’ll get better with practice too.
Carrie
Our new favorite idea that we added to my son’s chores was to take a cleaning wipe and go around wiping off the baseboards. Each week he does a different room. It is much easier for him than for me, simply because he is closer to the ground. He loves to wipe the baseboards and then look at the wipe to see how much dirt he has picked up.
I know, it is so hard not to let them do things because of the mess. I deal with that with my 2 year old.
FYI- Pampered Chef sells a special knife that is made just for kids. I think they call it the safety cutter.
I love that my kids are becoming more independent. I have a 8 and 6 year old and a 6 month old. Before I had the baby I tried really hard to make my kids more independent. I knew after I had the baby it would make life a lot easier. It is hard to know when and what are the right things to let them do. I am always amazed that they seem to be able to do more than I anticipate. They grow up way to fast.
My mom used to put milk in a tiny pitcher (like a liquid measuring cup) and let us pour our own. There was a lot less risk then! I loved pouring myself out of the “kid sized” pitcher.
I am loving all of your independent kid ideas. I’m going to see how the spoon scooping PBJ works and I love the “kid sized” pitcher for pouring. Thanks for sharing.
My 2-1/2 year old likes to help prepare his food, too. He gets the milk out of the fridge, and sometimes gets to pour it (if it’s empty enough) — he’s actually pretty good about it, and doesn’t usually spill or overfill. He has also helped make his own pb&j (although at 2, the ingredients are even LESS spread out than in the case of your 6yo).
The other day, he wanted to eat sauteed mushrooms (yes, the kid likes mushrooms!), so he got the package of mushrooms (pre-sliced) out, put them in a saute pan, threw the empty package away and stood there with me while we cooked them, helping me stir them occasionally. I was impressed that he did all those steps to carry out a task he wanted to do!
He really wants to learn to use my sewing machine. Of course, it’s too dangerous to use by himself, but he knows basically how it works. I unplug it, and he puts paper under the foot, lowers the foot, and then works the needle up and down manually. For now, that’s good enough for him!
My husband is REALLY big on letting our kids problem-solve for themselves. As an example, our 13 month-old climbed up onto an overturned basket (about 8 inches tall?) and couldn’t figure out how to get off of it. He kind of fussed and whined, but we let him work on it (with supervision, of course!).
So, there’s my novel!
I let my kids dust, put away their clothes, fold underwear and socks, help clean the bathroom (sinks and tub), gather up the laundry, strip their beds, gather trash, and of course clean their rooms. They are 5 and 3.
I have to let go and say things are “good enough”, and once a month I go around and do a once over on the dusting when they are not at home, but they absolutely love it.
We play the cleaning game at our house. I put all the chores in a hat and they draw one out. I have taught them how to do each one correctly and we have practiced many times, but now they do it the best they can, and love to climb onthe step stool to reach higher places. No nagging, and I pay them a quarter a job. So each tries to do as many as possible.
Recently, I have also been giving them “challenges”. I got this idea from FlyLady.net. I give them a challenge, like find all the superheroes all over the house, lol. And they do it quickly then come back and ask for more challenges. No nagging them to clean up their stuff that is scattered all over the house. It is awesome!
I am not brave enough to let them pour or make pbj yet. That will be my next step!
It was hard for me to give my 5 and 4 y.o. independence in some things, but when I do (with supervision), they really get going!
My 5 y.o. came home from AWANA last year and informed us he could take out the trash, so my hubby takes the bag out of the kitchen trash can, ties it, and Luke does the rest! They both put away silverware from the dishwasher and are learning how to put their dirty dishes in it. They always set the table and clean off their own places afterwards (thank goodness for Corell dishes that don’t break!), and they honestly consider it a priviledge if they get to clean off Daddy and Mama’s place, too! I also have them occasionally “help” with supper and desserts, pouring and stirring things. They love making dump cake (one can cherry pie filling, one can crushed pineapple, sprinkle one box cake mix on top, put 3/4 cup butter or margerine slices on top of the mix, bake on 350 for 30 minutes — something they can do “all by themselves” except for cutting the butter and putting it in/out of the oven). They also put away their own laundry (and I grit my teeth about how messy their drawers are!) and make their own beds. They wipe off the table after supper, they take turns pushing the vacuum, too. They’ve also been dressing themselves since they were 2 years old. (I pick out clothes when we go somewhere that matters!)
For pouring milk, Rubbermaid has a handy little pitcher that is kind of a square/oval shape with hand grips; it is stout and fits not quite a half gallon. I’ll fill that half way with milk and let the kids pour their own. Fits their little hands perfect and isn’t too heavy.
It’s amazing what kids can do with supervision, teaching, a lot of patience put to use, and lots of teeth gritting!
I am a huge fan of helping your children learn to do things for themselves. Here are a few things I do to help them achieve this: In a bottom cabinet I keep plastic cups that they can use to get their own water and eventually juice or milk from the refrigerator. Also in that cabinet I have some little bins with snacks that are appropriate for them. Somethings come individually wrapped and others I package in snack sized ziplocks or put in a container that they can open themselves. We have a hard and fast rule that they are never to get drinks and snacks without asking first, with the exception of water. They are always welcome to water. In the refrigerator I do the same thing. I keep string cheese and clementines and apples where they can reach them.
The thing that helped us with cereal is putting our cereal into the plastic containers meant to dispense cereal that you can find at Wal-Mart or Target. We put things in plastic because in our part of the country, cardboard packaging is often infiltrated by bugs. But the bonus from this is that the hole on the cereal container isn’t very big, so the cereal doesn’t come out really fast. It’s easy for the kids to pour it and for them to see when to stop. I’m also known to get milk in the half gallon cartons so they can pour it themselves, although I’ve also considered getting a small pitcher and putting some milk into that for them to pour.
My older two kids went to a Montessori preschool when they were 3 and 4 years old and I paid close attention to the types of activities they did there to see things they could do at home. Pouring, polishing, sorting silverware, and sweeping up their own messes with a whisk broom and dust pan were some of the things we learned and incorporated into our home.
My kids are 7 and 5. They love to play in the sink. For the longest time I would clear out the dirty dishes so they could play in the sink with bubbles and a sponge. (Duh!) I should have let them wash the dishes! I was always so afraid of something breaking or them getting cut.
The other day I discovered my 7 year old had taken it upon herself to wash all the dishes and put them away (very creatively). I couldn’t believe the work she saved me! (We don’t have a dishwasher – so I’m doing dishes about 4 times a day.) I felt very humbled at that moment and put it on my mental to-do list – to let her help more….she can do it.
Thanks for the great post.
Pam
Thanks so much for linking up. I think it is so great you are working on independence because that is so important and will (in the long run) make your life and their lives easier. The more you work with them, the more easy things get for both of you.
Thanks again for the link!!
we’ve been working on this lately too; it is hard when they want to do things that I know are going to make a mess, but if they do I just get them to help clean it up. they love when they get to do things by themselves. Our oldest who is 6 is pretty good at doing things on his own and he helps the 4 and 2 year old out a lot; it’s very cute to watch. we bought one of those hanging closet organizers w/enough spots for a week’s worth of outfits for each of their closets and I put outfits in there at the beginning of every week and the 4 and 6 year old can go pick out whichever outfit they want and get themselves dressed and make their beds and brush teeth in the mornings; so that is a big help.
I need to move their cups and bowls down lower so they can get them and I keep meaning to go get a coat rack that we can hang up for their coats that they can reach. lots of great ideas here. thanks!
This is so important….but hard to do since it takes more time, and things don’t always get done they way we’d do them. :) What a disservice we’d do our kids though if we did not teach them independence. A few of the things we’ve been doing…
* Putting dishes in low drawers so they can set the table without my help.
* Step stools throughout the house for turning on lights, washing hands, reaching clothes out of their dressers, etc.
* Folding hand towels, rags, etc., their own clothes, and help with the baby’s clothes too.
* Washing cabinets and the fronts of appliances.
* Cleaning up after meals/snacks with a battery powered vacuum – they fight over this job by the way!
* Low hooks where they can hang their own jackets.
* A bench with cubby holes where they can keep a bin of their own shoes to put away when we get home.
I had my boys open the dishwasher door, and use it like a table to pour on…that way it was nice and low and I could just rinse any spills into the dishwasher :D
Happy independence boys!
I think the whole using the dishwasher door to put your cup/bowl on is the best idea ever…if they spill, you just close the door! :o)
Well done Mom !! It’s hard to stand back and watch at first …cringing … and just knowing there is going to be a mess ! I have a seven and a five year old. They started making their own breakfasts about 2 years ago. At first, my eldest poured the milk, now they are both able to do it themselves. They can also do their own toast ( but only if I’m awake ! ) They fold their own laundry. All of it. And put it away. After two years, they do a great job ! They also help me hang laundry on the little clothes dryers … and do a great job !! They help us unload the dishwasher and put away dishes. They also help load it up. Actually … this is sounding like a couple of posts I wrote recently … you can read them HERE if you are interested !!
By the way … I love your blog ! I’ve been reading for a while now. I think this might be the first time I’ve commented though …
It is so hard letting them grow up and have some independence isn’t it?
I let my 4.5 year old wipe himself. This is a big one and I love it!
He also can get snacks for he and his sister (crackers, cheese or fruit). He can get water and fill his cup or water bottle.
In the spring and summer (what is that again?) he can ride his bike to the corner and back (about 5 houses away) and he can ride ahead of me when we are out for a walk.
I need to give him some more jobs though.
I’m afraid I’m of the complete opposite end of the spectrum! My 4-y-o makes his sandwiches and cereal, gets himself dressed, brushes his teeth, gets his coat on. It really helps me out. Totally worth it for their sake and yours.
OMGosh! I totally know how you feel! My 4yo insists on making his own sandwiches, too. I try to let him do what he can. I let him vacuum, grate cheese, make chocolate milk. I just stand back and grit my teeth. I guess that’s what being a momma is all about!
I need to be so much better at this, I feel like I hold Abby back! THis is a great reminder!
Way to be empowering, that is a god reminder for me, sometimes I do way to much for my kids, just to hurry things along, thanks for the suggestions.
great post. little steps toward my daughter’s independance has made things so much easier. there is a sign at her montessori school that reads, ‘never do for a child what they can do for themselves’. i try to remind myself of that when i notice that i am taking charge of way too much for her. she is almost always happy to do her own thing!
That’s great! I know it is hard to watch them do things, knowing that you can do it better/more efficiently.
My youngest daughter just turned 4, I let her maker her bed, put away her laundry, try to fix her own sandwich, clean up toys.
My second oldest daughter is nine and she can: vacuum, clean her bathroom, fix meals that don’t require using the stove. She has just learned how to use the microwave.
Sometimes I have to go back later and clean up their messes, but I think it is good for them to try to do things for themselves.
Good for you for letting him do those things!
Jen
Unloading the dishes. Takes my 6 yr-old forever, because she has to climb onto a chair to get up onto the counter, but I LOVE that she has at least one solid chore that is hers.
I used to let our 2 yr-old stand on the counter and they’d work together, but 2 finally got bored of that. I think she figured out that they were working.
My grandsons are 4 & 5. They want to pour their own milk and cereal, too. We pour some milk from the gallon jug into a small teapot type pitcher (lid & spout) and they pour from that. Works great and they feel so much more independent!
My 4 year old pours her own milk and water all the time. The secret is a child-sized pitcher. The best one in my opinion is available from Montessori Services/For Small Hands. This is the one used in most Montessori classrooms with young children. Anything you can make more child-sized (broom, mop, etc.) will enable children to do so much more than most people give them credit for being able to do.
I am so their. I finally am teaching my 9 1.2 year old how to do laundry and folding. She loves it and she even does it with out me even asking and now when I feel better I will be teaching her more things around the house. It is so exciting I thought she and I wasn’t ready for that moment but she is so I am taking it as an opportunity to teach them all things they can do. I am so happy for you. So much fun :)
Good for you! I try to let my daughter do the same things. When she was in preschool they would let them pour their own drinks at snack time and she thought that was so cool. I try to let her do things like that at home too. She also loves to help me cook. It’s pretty cool that she’s getting older. I love to watch my kids learn!
When our older two (now 17, 20) were little they were taught to do their own laundry when they were 8. They could do the basics with cooking their own food around that time too. Just simple things like oatmeal, reheat dinners, grilled cheese, eggs, etc.
Our youngest son (9) doesn’t do his own laundry though. He does do dishes, take out the trash, fold laundry, clean the floors and things like that. He makes his own breakfast and lunches and he is learning to cook regular meals.
When he was younger and wanted to pour his own milk and cereal, we made it easier for him. I put the cereal into two separate containers. That way it was easier to handle and would make less mess if spilled. With the milk, we also put some in a smaller Tupperware style container for him to use. I bought something like a drink bottle and kept milk in it for him. Much easier for him to handle and he stop had the feeling of how to start and stop pouring the milk with very little mess.
hi, i really enjoy your blog. so many things i am tucking away for later. anyhow, when i was a kid, my mom would give each of us a mini cow (williams sonoma and bbb sell them) with milk. it held maybe one cup and it came out the cows mouth. super cute and super easy for small hands to pour. when we have little ones, i think we’ll use either the cow or mini crafs (container store has some great ones)
My 3 year old is super independent and I usually let him. He just got strong enough to open the fridge, so now he opens it, gets out the juice and pours it for himself and his 2 year old brother, then puts it back. He rarely spills.
He also washes his bottle (though I have to repeat!) and will fill it up with water, add milk powder, cap it and shake it . . . I don`t have to do anything anymore except loosen the top sometimes. And yes, we are working on weaning off the bottle . . . he`s still a baby in some ways!!
My 2 year old, the other day, decided to pour himself a bowl of cornflakes and dumped it all over the floor, though some of them got into the bowl. I was about to get angry and he picked up the bowl off the floor, held it up and said, “I cook it!” with a proud sparkle in his eye . . . I just didn`t have the heart to scold him!
The other day I suddenly realized that my daughter is going to be 3 in April and she is now old enough to be helping a little more around the house (which she often does, but nothing specific). These links were great for me to browse and I love that it came at just the right time! I am thinking of making a chore chart for her as she is at the right age of being able to do some things on her own.
By the way…my daughter also loves to help make PB & J, but with one swipe of the pb on the bread, she asks to lick the knife and she’s suddenly lost interest in the making of the sandwich! :)
Excellent post!
I/we do have a definitive daily chore list, but they are in training at the ages of 2 and 3! Especially with toy pick up. My oldest loves to mirror me, but typically her help is counter productive, lol.
Great tasks have been listed: toy pick up, dishes, folding laundry, make their beds, get themselves dressed!
We’re going to have some great kids turning into fabulous adults!
I grabbed a lesson from preschool myself, where the children pour their own milk. Decant it from the huge grocery gallon into a smaller pitcher, like a creamer, or even a pyrex measuring cup (the one cup size). Then even a two-year-old can pour it without mishap, most of the time.
We let the two-year-old crack eggs (but not right into the batter), pour ingredients, knead bread — loves that!– and tear lettuce for salad.
There are so many things they can do, if you break it down into simple step-by-step tasks. That’s the hard part for me, staying one step ahead!
I let my 2 year old pour her own cereal and milk. The trick: we only open the cereal bag a little bit, so the cereal can’t come pouring out. I pour the milk into her sippy cup, then let her pour some from there into the bowl before I put the lid on the sippy cup. If she spills, I say “Oops!” in a cheery voice and hand her a paper towel.
I have two grown children that I encouraged to be independant and thoughtful. They are wonderful adults. Your blog brought back some nice memories. One of my favorites was of the kids using the laundry drying rack. I was often amazed in how creative they could be in gettng lots of laundry on that rack. I should have taken pictures.
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